


The Speech for When Gus Finds the Notebook of Speeches

by MusicalLuna



Category: Psych
Genre: Episode Tag, Episode: s02e11 There's Something About Mira, Fluff, Friendship, Gen, Humor, Speeches, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-07-11
Updated: 2008-07-11
Packaged: 2019-03-10 19:08:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13507914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MusicalLuna/pseuds/MusicalLuna
Summary: Gus does a little snooping.





	The Speech for When Gus Finds the Notebook of Speeches

**Author's Note:**

> I was talking to the fabulous s_c and in dire want of writing a fuzzy friendship story and she gave me this brillliant idea about the speeches from Mira. It took me awhile to get going, but I was up until 6am last night writing it. :DDD
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
>  **Disclaimer:** I (do not) own them. *shifty eyes*

Gus crouched slowly, peering around the deserted office warily. He’d closed the blinds before casually making his way over to the desk and the light of the sun, though hidden behind them still warmed the shadows with its intensity. When nothing immediately caught his eye, he sank down a little lower, ducking his head beneath the edge of the desk and began inching open the large drawer in front of him, veerrry carefully, so as not to make any noise.

When he had drawn it out about six inches, he peered over the lip and reached inside, carefully rooting around for his prize. It took a minute or two and a few tense moments where he froze, thinking he’d heard something, but he finally caught a glimpse of his target and he pulled it out with a triumphant, quiet little, "Aha!"

Glancing around almost guiltily, he slid the drawer closed again and then, still bent in a crouch, waddled over to a small nook between the bookshelf and their file cabinet and slid in between them, clutching the worn, tattered red notebook to his chest. Settling in to his "safe place" where he knew he could cram the notebook in between the bookshelf and the wall if he needed to hide it in a pinch, Gus laid it against his knees and smoothed down the curled, torn edge of one of the corners. Scrawled across the cover in the faded black marker writing of a ten-year-old Shawn Spencer were the words "Speeches for Gus".

He’d gotten a few glimpses of what was inside when Shawn had—in the midst of a justified pouting session—yanked the notebook out of it’s old hiding place and smacked him in the chest with it after discovering that a few of his speeches had missed their golden windows of opportunity. Later Shawn had squirreled it away again when he’d assumed Gus wasn’t paying attention, but after twenty seven years Gus had learned a little something about watching people without watching them and he’d kept tabs on the notebook for just this reason.

Smiling smugly to himself, he carefully flipped the cover open.

In barely legible ten-year-old writing, the title _Surviving Your First Fight_ drunkenly meandered its way across the top margin of the wrinkled sheet of paper. Preparing himself for the worst, Gus started to read.

> _So you’re about to get in your first big fight._
> 
> _Buddy, good for you._
> 
> _You finally proved that you do have some guts in you, hiding somewhere behind that goofy collared shirt. It’s going to be ugly, and you’re probably going to bleed on your goofy collared shirt, but your mom will be so proud you stood up for yourself that she won’t care that you ruined it, right? ‘Course not._
> 
> _I’d say you should close your eyes when you sock the guy, but it’s always good to keep an eye on your attacker so, I guess it’s up to you._
> 
> _I’ll be on the monkey bars if you need me (don’t call me, I’ll call you) and, if all else fails:_
> 
> _Run. Run like a scared little girl._

Gus stared at the page for a moment blankly.

He _remembered_ that speech. Word for word. Shawn had _actually used_ this speech!

What.

The.

Hell.

"That is so messed up," he said indignantly to no one in particular. Wondering what other stupid speeches Shawn had written and then actually had the nerve to use, he turned the page. He vaguely remembered a few of the subsequent ones too; _I Just Kicked Your Butt at Super Mario_ , _Christening the Tree House_ , and _My Dad is Cooler Than Your Dad_ , though he still hadn’t heard _You Can Call Me Mr. President_ and he hoped he never would. Flipping to the next page, an eyebrow rose at the title scribbled across the top.

_A Confession._

Curious, he read on. The handwriting in this particular entry was slightly more legible.

> _It’s true._
> 
> _I should have told you, it was wrong of me to do it without your knowledge. It was for your own good though, Gus I swear. My motivations were totally pure. I was looking out for your well-being. Just remember that. It was a totally, completely, 98% selfless act._
> 
> _Forgive me buddy, but, it had to be done for the sake of your mental welfare._
> 
> _Aggiornamento is spelled with an ‘I’._
> 
> _And I knew it._

Gus spluttered furiously, rereading the entry three times before managing to spit out, "He—I—he planned it all along!"

Turning the page sharply, his scowl only deepened when he saw the title of the next entry: _Congrats On Your First Date, You Dog You!_ He remembered receiving this speech too, barely a half an hour after having asked Chelly Hunter if she wanted to go to a movie. It had been particularly irritating because he’d purposely avoided telling Shawn he was considering asking her and to this day he couldn’t figure out how Shawn had learned about it so quickly. As irritated as he’d been though, he’d been rather smug about the whole thing too because he’d gotten his first date _before_ Shawn. Shawn claimed it was because he hadn’t "found the right girl yet" but Gus knew better. Served him right for flirting with every girl who walked past.

The first date speech was followed up by another he recognized— _It’s Definitely Not a Chick Magnet, but Hey! You Just Got Your First Car!_ This particular speech had been modified in a few places to suit the actual car Gus had gotten for his birthday, but an alarming amount of the details Shawn had included in the original applied. Over a lifetime, he’d gotten accustomed to Shawn’s somewhat eerie habit of knowing things he shouldn’t and it was only when he was presented with situations such as this that he was really intensely reminded of what made his friend so different. The speech had seemed impromptu when originally delivered, but seeing this, he realized it had not only been premeditated, but had been weirdly accurate in rough draft form.

He shook his head, peering around the corner of the bookshelf to scan the office, lest Shawn show up suddenly just as he was being thought about as he was prone to doing. When he was sure he was still alone, he turned back to the notebook, smiling smugly as he moved on.

The next speech was entitled _Turn the Key and Toss it Away, the Ball and Chain Have Taken You Down_. Above the title Shawn had scribbled, "Married in college! The audacity! Didn’t even tell me! Rethink giving this speech." This had to be the best man speech he’d bemoaned after hearing about Mira. Gus felt a tiny twinge of guilt over not having told Shawn about the Vegas-style marriage, but he’d honestly never expected to hear from Mira after they’d applied for the annulment. She hadn’t exactly been happy with him and he’d never considered the idea that the papers might get sent to the U.S. It had never been real in his mind.

Besides, Shawn knew as well as he did that when he did get married, honest-to-God, married-till-death-do-us-part, nothing in the world could stop him from having Shawn right there next to him at the altar.

There were a lot of blanks and _insert-here_ s in the speech, but Gus was surprised to note that despite a few inevitable jokes the overall speech was restrained for Shawn. The last line in particular struck him.

> _I know you’ve been waiting for this a long time buddy and I hope it’s more than you ever hoped for._

Sometimes Shawn could be so…

With a little shake of his head, he turned the page and immediately rolled his eyes. He was _something_ all right. _So You're Graduating From College: Was it Worth It?_ stretched across the top of the page. It sort of amused him that there was actually a speech written out for the occasion because all he’d gotten from Shawn on his graduation was a postcard from some ridiculously small town in Colorado.

The next speech was charmingly titled _Your First Big Step on the Road to Boringdom._ Two weeks after graduation Shawn had dropped into Santa Barbara just for the night and had dropped this speech on his doorstep at ten thirty at night before his first day of work at Central Coast Pharmaceuticals. He’d been too stunned to see Shawn to react at full-capacity and Shawn had invited himself in before he could even open his mouth. They’d stayed up until dawn chowing down on take-out and watching movies despite Gus’ protests that he needed his rest for the next day. He’d been totally wiped his first day at work and he’d gotten a lot of strange looks as he swallowed cup after cup of coffee, but seeing Shawn had been worth it.

_Your First Ever Hangover! Manhood is Now Within Your Reach_ was scrawled on the next page. The Hangover speech was infamous in his memory because at the time, Shawn had been somewhere in Asia and the fact that he’d managed to call the morning after his first ever hangover was something he’d never been able to figure out. The phone had woken him at seven AM—way too early for the Sunday after his first hardcore Friday party—and when he’d mumbled, "’ello?" into the receiver he’d been surprised to hear Shawn of all voices.

_"Dude! Congratulations! This is a serious milestone in your life, buddy. The first hangover is like, your first car, or your first kiss, or your first hickey. It’s_ big _. How did it feel? Was it awesome? I remember my first hangover…good times. Painful and really annoying and kind of gross tasting, but good times nonetheless... Must have been a great party. Tell me you were with a girl."_

" _Nnngh, Shawn? How did you…?"_

" _I’m bummed that I wasn’t there to witness it, it must have been pretty spectacular. Next time I’m in town we’ll have to reenact it. Anyway, I just wanted to give you a shout-out and tell you you’re officially the man. Enjoy sleeping it off."_

And that had been it.

Shawn was like that, always moving and never in the same place or where you wanted him to be, but keeping an eye on you and somehow being there without being around. Gus had expected they would take different paths after high school, so he hadn’t really been surprised or upset, even when Shawn had taken off after high school and they’d gone their separate ways. Sure, he’d missed having his best friend around every day and for some of the most important events in his life, but Shawn had never once given him cause to feel abandoned. He was _there_ he just wasn’t…there.

He snorted when he read the next title.

_Can I Crash in Your Basement, Proud Owner of a Brand New House?_

He would have bet his first edition _Roger Radar_ comic that Shawn had expected to have already given this speech (and taken advantage of said basement). He had taken advantage of the sofa in his apartment living room though. On more than a few occasions.

_OH GOD YOU’RE GOING TO HAVE OFFSPRING?_ curled the corners of his mouth in a grin.

> _I can’t believe you’re having a kid. Like, a baby. Dude, does that make me an uncle? Or a goddad? Both? Dude. I could be Uncle Goddad Shawn!_
> 
> _Personally, I think the names Indiana, Ferris, Ash, and Bob would be excellent. Can you imagine it? Indiana Burton. Hell. Yes._
> 
> _Of course I’ll have to teach him (or her, I suppose) about the glories of the eighties. All of these deprived kids growing up now, knowing nothing about the greatest decade ever. Seriously, what is the world coming to?_
> 
> _I’ll also have to keep you from scarring the kid with your geek-tasticness. Comic books kept to a minimum._
> 
> _Oh, and I don’t do babysitting._
> 
> _Not for less than a hundred bucks an hour._
> 
> _Make that two._

Shawn was nuts if he thought he was getting within a hundred feet of any of _his_ kids alone.

He was starting _Your Marriage is On the Rocks; Just Call Me the Love Doctor_ and scoffing to himself that Shawn thought he had any authority whatsoever to tell him how to fix problems in a marriage when he heard the door open quietly. He tensed, fumbling to stuff the notebook behind the bookshelf when a decidedly feminine voice called, "Shawn? Gus? …Hello?"

Staggering out of his hiding place, Gus flashed a smile and waved at Juliet who jumped at his rather clumsy entrance. "Hey—hi, Juliet," he said, voice overly casual. "Shawn’s not here right now."

Her eyebrows rose. "Oh. Do you think he’ll be back anytime soon?"

Gus snorted, nonchalantly sliding the notebook onto Shawn’s desk and sitting. "Who knows. He’s at his dad’s. He could be stuck for hours or he could storm out in the next five minutes. No telling."

Juliet smiled slightly at that. "Darn, I was really hoping to catch him. Would you mind if I waited a little while?"

Gus shook his head, gesturing to his own desk. "No, no, of course not. By all means."

"Thanks," she smiled and drifted over toward Gus’ desk, setting her purse on the corner. After a moment she turned casually back toward him and gestured toward the notebook Gus was sneaking glances at, his fingertips brushing the bottom of the pages. "What’s that you were reading?"

Flustered, Gus said, "Oh, what this thing? It’s nothing. Just a stupid thing I found. It’s nothing."

Juliet bit her lip, clearly trying to stifle a smile. "Oh, nothing, really?"

He shrugged and said, "It’s just something of Shawn’s. I was just—you know, looking."

Stepping forward a bit further, she reached out. "May I?"

"Well—er—yeah. I guess so." There was no good way to get out of this now. He watched carefully as she picked up the notebook, eyes skimming over the page. A smile rapidly grew on her face.

" _Your Bladder is Leaky, Your Memory is Fading, and Your Hairline is...Well, It's the Same. But You're Retiring!_ " She bit back a laugh and said, "What is this?" as she flipped forward a few more pages.

Gus shrugged again and said, "It’s Shawn’s. He’s been writing speeches for me since we were kids, I guess."

Her eyebrows rose again, but this time the motion was accompanied by a warm, amused smile. "He writes you speeches? You two are so _bizarre_."

"Hey. He’s the strange one," Gus retorted, standing and moving around the desk so that he could lean against it and peer casually over the edge of the pages.

" _You Ate the Last Piece of Pineapple, But I Forgive You; Ten Reasons Why_ ," Juliet read and this time she did laugh. "Is he serious?"

Gus smirked. "Is he ever?"

"Good point." Her expression took on a shade of wonder as she skimmed another speech. "He’s really had this since he was a kid. That’s amazing."

"Or something," Gus muttered and peeked curiously at the title. "What’s that one?"

Juliet grinned. " _So You Bought a Motorcycle and Want to Go Skydiving. It’s About Time_."

"What? What on earth is that one supposed to be for?" he asked, moving to her side to get a better look.

"Your midlife crisis it sounds like," she said and read a line aloud. "’Sure, it took you until your mid-forties to start seeing things my way, but hey, better late than never, right?’"

"I can’t believe he wrote me a speech for my midlife crisis!" Gus exclaimed indignantly. "I am not going to have a midlife crisis!"

"That’s better than the next one," Juliet said, flipping the page and holding it up for him to see. It read: _You’re a Big Boy Now!_ "Gus, are you hiding something from me? Have you not been potty trained yet?" she asked, voice teasing.

"Oh my god. He’s so going down!"

Juliet laughed as he took the notebook back, eyes skimming rapidly through the page. It was, indeed, a potty training speech. Of course Shawn would write a potty training speech. And of course he’d do it when they were practically thirty years old. Jerk.

"I’m going to kill him," he said, shaking his head in disbelief and turning the page. Juliet’s eyebrows jumped toward her hairline at the title.

" _In Case You Ever Get Arrested_?" she murmured incredulously. "He wrote a speech for if you get _arrested?_ "

"Of course he did," Gus muttered. "What’s surprising is that I haven’t actually _heard_ that one yet."

"’Keep your head down and keep your mouth shut. Get a lawyer and don’t say anything unless he tells you to,’" Juliet read. "You know, that’s all good advice."

"Which is then kind of ruined by, ‘Don’t bend over if you have to get the soap. Crouch,’" Gus replied wryly.

Juliet snorted out a laugh, covering her mouth with her hand. "Wow. Yeah. That kind of—um. Yeah."

Turning to the next page, Gus grimaced at the title. "Oh man. This can’t be good."

"What is it?" Juliet asked, leaning forward curiously.

" _You’re the Wind Beneath My Wings_ ," he said, sounding as though the very words tasted bad.

Juliet’s jaw dropped as she read the speech beneath the cheesy, ridiculous title. "Oh my gosh. Gus! It’s composed entirely of song lyrics!"

"What? No way. No way Shawn would take the time to… Oh my god. You’re right. That’s—that’s so messed up!"

"’ _Time after time we’re wanted dead or alive in the shadow of the day. I’m easy come, easy go, any way the wind blows, doesn’t really matter to me. So here’s to the night and here it goes again because sweet dreams are made of all that we’ve been through._ ’ Wow. I can’t believe he actually…" she trailed off, voice wondering.

"What I can’t believe is that it actually kind of makes _sense_. Don’t ask. You _really_ don’t want to know," Gus said, shaking his head as he read over the rest of the lyrics. "Only Shawn…"

Juliet’s head tipped to the side, her expression contemplative as she looked into his face. "You and Shawn have known each other a long time, haven’t you?" she said.

Gus let out a quiet huff of laughter. "Pretty much forever."

A smile fluttered at the corner of her mouth. "And it looks like you’re going to know each other for a long time to come."

"Well, yeah, duh," Gus said, making a face at one of the speeches. "Of course we are."

A soft, quiet smile curved Juliet’s mouth as she watched him continue to leaf through the notebook, mumbling to himself. A moment later his head popped up, an alarmed expression crossing his face at the sound of the door opening. "Crap—"

But it was already too late.

Shawn strode in through the doorway, a note card held out in front of him and Juliet said with pleasant surprise, "Shawn!"

Shawn however, didn’t react, instead clearing his throat and beginning, "You’re really nosy, you know that Gus? Just because I showed you the Notebook of Speeches when distraught by the news of your clandestine marriage doesn’t mean that was an invitation for you to go around sneaking into my stuff.

"Ever heard of personal space dude?"

Gus groaned, shooting a nasty glare at his partner. "Please Shawn. You have no room for requesting personal space."

Shawn continued to ignore him. "You have blatantly crossed the lines of my personal boundaries, violating my privacy and generally sticking your nose into what could potentially be highly volatile, sensitive documents."

"These? These speeches are supposed to be ‘volatile, sensitive documents’?" Gus repeated dubiously. "I don’t think so Shawn." Juliet covered her mouth, trying to stifle her laughter.

"It was wrong of you, and not to mention hurtful, to go poking through my private things. I will forgive you, if and only if, you 1) agree to give me your MacGyver DVDs, and 2) forget everything you’ve read so as not to spoil future speeches. You must also agree never to seek out the Notebook of Speeches again."

"Please, Shawn," Gus said, rolling his eyes. Now full absorbed in a full-bodied laugh, Juliet slouched against Shawn’s desk, hands clutching at her aching sides.

Shawn finally made eye-contact with Gus, simply grinning at him and raising an eyebrow. "Do you agree to these terms?"

Gus, trying and failing to smother a grin, shook his head and said, "You know I never agree to anything you propose, Shawn."

"Dude, you already have," Shawn said and then proceeded to roll his eyes around in his head, indicating the room around them.

"You coerced me into that," Gus retorted.

Shawn smiled and said, "Yeah, but you chose to stick with it."

Gus’ face scrunched up in response and he muttered, "Whatever, Shawn. Just—whatever," and, looking between the two of them, Juliet dissolved into giggles all over again.


End file.
